Hi :D

i am still making this page but ig ill already start with my first diary entry!!! okayyyy?

ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧thats you!!!!!

13.02.26 3.59am

soooooooo today i had a loooooooong nap ^o^!

i didnt want to nap tho cuz the consequence is that now its 3.56am and i cant sleeeeeeeep heeeeeeeeeeeelp

and i have to work tomorooooooow aaaaaaarghhh

welp but i missed these nights not caring how tired ill be the next morning so i feel pretty hyped :D

also my new job isnt as physically exhausting as the prior one so its okay yay :D

anyway todayyyyyyyy i made this website!!!!!! or more like yesterday

its just a place for me to feel like home so please treat it nicely ( ∩´͈ ᐜ `͈∩)

ooooh also today my bf made a tasty omlette with shrooms and bell pepper yummyyyyyy (tho he got angry when i tried to help lol)

i also played the guitarrrrrrr :D

and i wrote my friend who went back to Japan ToT

aside from that my language learning is kinda on hold rn but thats fine >v<

i also stared at my fanfic draft for a few hours, it was very productive in that i fell asleep XD

13.02 7.11pm

I am back and aliveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :DDDDD!!!!!!

throughout the day I noticed the site views have passed the 100 lol

first i thought its just counting my own views cant quite believe ppl would click on my page(𓁹 𓁹)

anyway i played some minecraft with my mentee todayyyyy

we died a lot but it was very chill and fun :D

and listened to my roleplay/fanfic draft then i found out ৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻) i could translate the whole word document so i translated it to japanese and listened to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FEEL LIKE THIS ACT ALONE HAS BESTOWED 10 IQ POINTS UPON ME also i feel so productive lol xD

meanwhile i coooooooookedddd fried veggies and my bf actually liked it heh (๑⃙⃘´༥`๑⃙⃘)

he even ate the rice that he usually says tastes like dirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in short today I FELL INVINCIBLEEEEEENIAHAHAHAHA

now i will continue drafting and writing towards the end I AM SO EXCITED .____________________ .(yes thats my excited face)

15.02 1.32pm

hellooooooooooo internet

pardon me, i just woke up (* ´ ﹃｀*)

yesterday was great! we had lots of fun at my familys place!!!!!

and ate self made burgers(っᐛ)っ🍔🍟!!!!! my mom even made the dough herself✧o✧!!!!!!!!

and my dad bought veggie patties for the two of us, they were HUGE IN SIZE AND TASTE (ˊᵒ̴̶̷̤ ꇴ ᵒ̴̶̷̤ˋ)

hes such a sweetheart he also turned vegetarian when i did in jan (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )づ♡

when going home my bf got angry cuz i refused my moms offer to take the car (👁👁)

he was fueled by energy drinks and alcohol tho aaaaand he semi apologized :D

just got interrupted by my bf lol

he tapped me with deltarune main theme and i wasnt able to guess it smhhhh

tho he also didnt guess depature (hxh opening) and rush e so we are both screwed lol

ooooooooooh also i ate this beauty!!!!!!!

wait- almost forgot to mention :0000

I GOT MY FIRST FOLLOWER . ____________________ .

tysmmmmmm meek-digital-archive also for your kind words and advice :DDD!!!!

honestly i underestimated the social media aspect of neocities but ill try not to let it get to my head 👉👈

16.02 2.22pm

helloooooooooooooo

im at tha library rn doing work tasks (obviously) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

im a bit sed tho cuz i told myself i need to prepare for my exams and read for and write term papers starting from this week ( ,,⩌'︿'⩌ꐦ,,)

which means no fanfic writing except for on the weekend ლ(ಥ益ಥლ)

after i got my degree i just wanna get an easy job that pays enough so that i dont have to work much and have the rest of the day to do fun stuff :D!

my parents and my bf wouldnt agree tho probs arrrrrrrghhhhh

also i love uni courses but i hate the formalities around it ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )

yesterday was nice, i came up with so many stupid ideas for the fanfic heh

i also started sketching again :D! what u see up there is an oc then my bf and me with nose hair :DDDDD!

also i had shoyu ramen!!!!!

and whatever this is

i know i should open a restaurant at this point

17.02 11.30am

GOOOOOOOOOOD MORNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

i just ehem finished my work tasks )as best as i could) and now i have to wait for the people who can help me ACTUALLY finishe them to reply lol

writing this kinda feels me with unexpected EXCITEMENTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

so let me confess u_u

i pulled an allnighter

i didnt mean to i swear-

but when i had just decided to workout and study i got absobred by the internet and my fanfic project .-.

but this is one of the best allnighters ive ever had :DDDDDDDDDDD

i felt weirdly calm all morning

like untouchable calm o.o

also pretty clear in a weird way?

tho on the bus when i closed my eyes i felt the air weighing me down until the bus nearly killed someone on the bike .____________________.

then after the shock passed my senses kinda overlapped and i was half dreaming and spacing out lol

like hearing sick music in the white noice without even intending to :DDDDDDDDDDD

(cuz my earbugs are dead ToT)

but it got me vibin really hard and i didnt even have to choose the song!!!!!!!!!!!

i wonder if thats how dying old feels like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i mean i feel very lucky i can afford this stupid behavior tho (yet can i really idk .-.)

yee in another timeline id be some mad scientist doing self experiments ending in death by dumbness lol

haha did i mention

i came late to work despite literally having more than a day to prepare smsmsmsmms

18.02 5.42am

dear internet

i am writing this again from my office cuz i am in urgent need of a break xD

there is still one task left then im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .·°՞(っ^﹏^ς)՞°·.

yesterday after eating lunch i did not feel any tiredness anymore like at all which was weird :D

i had dancing lessons it felt amazing

tho i lost my first two battles EVER in a 7 2 smoke (ﾒ﹏ﾒ)

i have weirdly mixed feelings about this like i know everyone was so amazing and i loved seeing them dancing

but of course i also feel disappointed in myself

even tho i know i suck at it it was still the best i ever danced xD

and i should be proud of myself :,3. I also trained really hard (since i need to to keep up xD) and my trainer told me my technique was flawless during practice :D

also i guess its a good thing to be among people that are more skilled than me

moreover i am still working on getting rid of my afraid of failure kind of patterns its haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard kusooooooooo

now that i think about it what i feel most conflicted about is not that i lost the two battles, but that my efforts were not acknowledged (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

well I HEREBY OFFICIALLY ACKNOWLEDGE MYSELF :DDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

half a year ago you have never even danced IN YOUR LIFE but yesterday youve had your first battle thats RAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow unironically i really feel great now XD

my boss just came and gave me books to bring to the library XD

i like her (way more than my old boss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) :D

anyway now im motivated to do my last task and finally return to sa homeeeeeeeeeeeee yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy :D

19.02 10.47pm

dear interniet

today was loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong

i had french impro and became an official troll hehe

out of our group i am the one who has the most experience so i know our prof likes the absurd and i love to squeeze the absurd out of the most stupid things :D

i was an evil gps and led my victim into hell :DDDD!!!!

also mon repas etait lunaire! pourquoi? parce que jai mange un alien

then someone pointed out that our prof was wearing green so he must be the alien, it became a running gag XD

its a very liberating feeling to just play tbhhhh

we also had to choose our favorite out of 7 poems and the only guy chose the same poem as i did

and my prof said its interesting because it was also the only poem writtien by a guy and that gender difference and gendered behavior is still very much a thing

which tracks cuz i am often passing as a guy :D

i love my gender fluidity/nonbinary..ness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here i am now reafirming my trans identity and once again questioning if i migh be mysogenistic ^ ^´

after impro class i had to squeeze in work it was so stressfull and felt terrible o.o

i came home threw a bunch of fries in the airfryer then spedrun my tasks

while i had to tell my bf multiple times to not interrupt when he wanted to tell me bout amazing stuff ToT

but he was very sweet bout it and kept it for a later time ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

then we went to my familyyyyyyyyyy :DDDDDD

when our stop to get off came my bf said ladies first so OBVIOUSLy I had to let him go ahead first since hes the lady ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

so non of us stood up and we missed our stop.

but at the next stop i managed to push my bf off the bus hehe then he chased me when realizing what that meant XD

we arrived, i just fell asleep without even realizing it and was knocked out for like two hours lol

then my dad came home from giving and taking therapy (law of equivalent exchange!!!!)

we watched HxH aaaaaaaaaaaaall together it made my day ( ˊo̴̶̷̤ ̫ o̴̶̷̤ˋ)

we watched the wholesome episode where this guy buys his own fakes XD

my dad said i am just like goooooooooon

thats the only lable i feel comfortable with "like gon" :D!

20.02 11.20pm

interniettttttttttt

today was long as well _(´ཀ`」 ∠) _

came home like an hour ago had fries (ik again XD)

had rehearsal went grocery shopping and then went back to rehearsal

at 7 we finished then i somehow ended up listening to the uni bigband performance :00000000

it was cooooooooool

and then

i felt like dancing so i sneaked into the gym ( ◡̀ᗜ◡́)ᕤ

now

i shooooooooooooould

chop veggies for tomorrow ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )

will i?

probs no

im tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired no concentration leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeft

ig gotta just wake up super early to chop these veggies damn it

21.2 11.03pm

Dear intern@

Another looooooong day (They dont seem to end lol)

Chopped loads of veggies :D

Made 3/4 of lasagna then had to RACE to final rehearsal

CHAOs

Performance-

RACE home, Bf finished lasagna then RACE to boss with Bf and lasagna in car lol

EAT TO AVOID TALK

Then I suggeted we play stupid game where we make a story by each saying one sentence

Bf "once upon a time there was an ant"

Me "eater. But the ant eater wanted to be an ant"

Bf "so he anted himself. The ant."

Yes Bf very enthusiastic

We leave first

Get home, realize I forgot my bag there. -.

BIG tummy ache (from overeating) but headscratches from bf ( ∩´͈ ᐜ `͈∩)

PEACE!!!!

finally ( ˊᵕˋ )

22.2 10.26 pm

helloooooooooooooooooooooooo

today i picked up my bag from my booooooooooooooooss

then we went to my family

me and my bf cooked lentil dal it was super tasty :DDDD

my mom and dad fought over stupid things and we were just laughing in the backround XD

their dynamic is like leorio (dad) and kulapika (mom) they also apologized luckily!

my dad said he had many dreams recently where he killed people :0

which is funny cuz i had many dreams recently where i died XD

we (dad, bf and me) played crawl on the tvvvvvvv

I had a great start!!!!

but as always my bf won :(

but then we (mom, dad, me and bf) played a board game called harmonies and as always i won :DDDDDDDDDDD

okay let me be humble- i win only 85% of all the times we play board games (¬ᴗ ´¬ )

then we all (bro, mom, dad, bf, me) watched HxH :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

thats it for today :D

bye :DDDDD

23.03 10.39pm

hieeeeeeeeellllllllloooooooooooooo

today was maybe the most productive day i ever had heh

i went to my office (on time for the first time!!!!!!!!!) had an online course, checked something with the IT team meanwhile, set up the meeting room, panicked, wrote mails cuz of issues, panicked more, had the team meeting ate then went home- (takes a big breath)

ate more XD while doing work tasks, took care of the laundry, ventilated, updated my calendar, wrote a bit for my fanfic-

theeeeeeeeeeen I went to the dance classes that I forgot to attend last week lol

and omg

i saw HER

the LEGEND

NO JOKE I WHEN I SAW HER I LITERALLY GASPED SO LOUD AND I BET SHE JUST PRETENDED SHE DIDNT NOTICE

its the girl i first danced with in my first ever dance class half a year ago

the second class she befriended the best dancer in the course tho and ever since i am a ghost

(dont get me wrong, i am very happy about being a ghost!)

she literally also dances since just one semester in the same course and SMOKED us other dancers TWICE in a battle (there also were only 3 people who got points at all her being one of them!!!)

i was like bro you here?!!!!!!!!

to my surprise she seemed excited to see me ._ .

she is also thinking about going to heels dance!!!

I am so happy knowing someone who is as enthusiastic as I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after class she waited for me and i noted that she incorporated some of the booty shake from the choreo in the 7 to smoke last week

my bf just feel on me with a big heavy hug ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

hes so exhausted and i think he needs a big sleep "( – ⌓ – ) ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁

but ill get to him again later so let me finish my previous thought-

so yes i told her yee i recognized some of that booty shake

and she got very embarrassed (≖⩊≖)

worrying about how our teacher was remarking after the battles that some dances felt more like flirting lmao

i told her yeah. it was.. surprising but dw

it somehow fit

then i told her that i found it very inspiring that she has started dancing the same time as me and won two battles!!!!

she told me she felt insecure about that dance the whole week but that what i said reassured her :D

gosh now i feel like a good person help

anyway i got home carried up more laundry my bf was ANGRY

he always is when he is cooking but he was even more grumpy than usual

he even complained that he had to watch movies with his friend cuz his friend is always bored XD

I am very glad to have no friends (i think? in the unlikely case that someone thinks of me as their friend then i probably wont deny them of course!) :D

so i cleaned the dishes while he be cooking

he made my portion of fried rice (without meat)

its great he made that now i stocked up again on plenty of gulcose for tomorrow :D

i ate everything up then forced my bf to be kissed by me lol

he is so bad at this when he is angry which makes it even funnier XD

so he attack kissed me th.rice

screamed FASTER

before he finally listened and let me kiss him (while he was vibrating with anger lol) ( •◡-)-♡

then he shouted at me that i should let him eat his rice cuz he be hangry (duh) and that i should not be in the same room as him for twenty minutes XDDDDDD

i took a shower flossed my teeth while listening to jap podcast then started writing this and got hug attacked by my bf

now its a beautifully closed circle so byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (￣∇￣)ノ

24.2 5.53 pm

heeeeeeeeelllllllluuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh

today was greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat (so far :D)

had a creative writing course it was amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!

first writing task was to write a short story between 50 and 150 words ৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻)

i was very proud of mine!

my neighbor wrote something pretty epic even poetic about power and rebellion (he said it was a manual oh how to take power and included all taro cards???) ( •͈૦•͈ )!!!!!!!!!

the second was a dialogue exercise! We first chose a topic, then rolled the dice which decided over the word number of the phrase then someone decided another rule for the phrase!!!

my other neighbour actually had a very funny and even sensical dialogue about a breakup (-YOU BURGER! -WHY CANT YOU TAKE THINGS SERIOUSLY FOR ONCE?!)

and the one with the cool short story wrote a pretty funny dialogue as well-

-also gossip themed (fr tho) about some climax and then the person in question (he slept with) being his biological brother and also the professor of the english department lol

i wish i could share theseeeeee aaaaaaaaaaa

anyway another tip i got from that one guy that the best way to have great group work is to always volunteer first when the groups are formed so all motivated people are also in the same group!

oh there was also another guy he seemed so familiar to me but i didnt quite know why

he recognized me though and talked about the guitar course we took for a semester (it ended a few weeks ago) ( ꩜ ᗜ꩜;)......

after the course i wooooooooooooorked a lot

but mostly i was fighting with the printer XD

i was equipped with a usb stick that the nice library lady gifted me

that alone made it feel less agonizing than when i had the same problems in france lol

the printer really had bad humor though

I had to exchange these color shade container thingies thrice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and there are only three of them!!!!!!!!

then when i thought its over it got angry at me cuz it was hungry for paper aaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh⁽⁽(੭ꐦ •̀Д•́ )੭*⁾⁾

after getting some medicine for my bf now im finally home tho and about to go to dance class :D!

26.2 11.13am

just finished woooooooooooork (i think??? I HOPE)

yesterday we returned car to my fam

oh also i talked with two art major students i felt so incompetent lol

and also i have back and leg pain from dancing class which is annoying cuz i wanna continue practicing but i caaaaaaaaaaaaant

i practiced this back spin and i be spinning fine by now but unfortunately i aint turtle :(

anyway me and bf prepared all the other things we wanted to return to my fam

then before leaving i put them on the drying rack (in front of the appartment door) so that i wont forget them

AHAHAHAHA

i forgot everything.

yeah i noticed when entering my fams home.

buuuuuuuuuuuuut my mom handled it well she is used to me being THE MOST FORGETFUL

afipgniuagnepg

we played a board game i SUFFERED AND WAS SO UNLUCKY

then my bf got annoyed that i complained throughout the whole game and won

oh also i think my bf read my neocities diary siteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee niooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

i dont mind THAT much lol

if youre reading this then hah gotcha ( ͡ ͡º - ͡ ͡º ς)

oh we also had a taco before going home

my bf said i look disappointed but i am just very very concentrated right now

my energy is all being used up by complexifying characters and storyyyyyyy

which is why my face is un standby mode rn

so please excuse me im off to spiral-

27.02 10.58pm

hellioo

im tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired

yesterday i drafted a pretty nice backstory :D!

also at midnight me and bf went for a run it felt so great :DDDDD

im surprised how well my body reacted like it was some old drug it has longed for secretly (•𐃷• )

we also raced the last part and my bf is faster nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

but i have waaaaaaaaaay more stamina at least :D

tode i hed criataf uaiting and it was good!

I had fun writing stupid and angry dialogue!!!!!!!

tho for another task i felt very uninspired

and then there was this really cool task but i was trapped in a social situation._ .

i was looking for an escape but i didnt find one i think my mind was just too overwhelmed with processesing the interaction ( ;´ - `;)

so i did not do the task :( maybe ill do it in a bit or tomorrow if i feel it calling me again

i should reaallyyy start my tasks soon damm it (•⤙• )

like the things that i am SUPPOSED to be doing TO GET AHEAD IN LIFE accoring to SOCIETY

namely getting my degree which translates to studying for statistics and writing term papers right now while ideally getting good grades

ʞɔnɟ

eqqqqqqqqqqqqiobfqowenbi21ofyes

oh also i am wondering about my application

21 days ago they wrote they were going to take a look at it within the next weeks and write regarding the nomination ._.

i wanna know noooooooooooooow so that i can plan my life accordingly PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE onegaiiiiiiiiiishimaaaaaaaaaaaaasu

work is stressing me out a bit cuz i dont like to engage with it and on top of that its so much random shut at once

but my colleagues are nice and mostly i think my temperament just does not suit an office job so yeah

but if Id get accepted id have a great excuse to quit (gracefully) :D

hmm i feel peckish

but i dont feel like standing up and then finding nothing and deciding what to eat kssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

i got many cuddles from my bf tode cuz im feeling tireeeeeeeeeeed (っ˶ ˘ ᵕ˘)ˆoˆ˶ς)

also saw my fam and acted on auto pilot (unfortunately???) it was a mini celebration for dad but by the end of it he seemed a bit down

tho lots of stuff was going on eg him having disagreements and his desert being rotten (i wish i was joking :,>)

maye ill make some fries

or fall asleep next

or debate my own principals vs survival

probably all and or nothing (i feel weirdly fond of this sentence. i think its a part of me)

1.3. (help its already march AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH) 9.49am

gooooooooooooooooooood mooooooooooorminnnnnnnnnnnn

today the sky is sooooooooooso blueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

it reminds me of my childhood

yesterday we visited my bfs familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

his mom made me extra salad (with cucumber tomato onion and olives tho no salad can you even call it a salad then???idk but it was good :D) with omlette :D!

which is nice cuz last time my bf had to pick out the meat pieces out of of my plate

bfs mom was very talkative and told us about dutch people murdering their phillipino wives

so two friends of the mom had to testify like 20 years ago and the murderer said YOU PHILLIPINO ARE NEXT in court ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

just 3 years later she met the murderer in a supermarket .-.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh i am listening to touch off rn i wanna watch promised neverland first season and read manga again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ooooooooooooooh also yesterday i have finally decided which minor i will switch to: educational scienceeeeeeee :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cuz for a year already i wanted to drop philosophy

i had pretty cool decolonial philosophy in highschool so i was sad when we only learned about dead white men in uni :(

also i got ANGRY cuz of the protagonist from mushoku tensei javeroign[awe[gn[w

my boyfriend is watching this series but i cant take it everything inside of me curls up at the outright objectification and DISRESPECT because of course women are mere sex toys that you can collect and discard at any time

not to mention that the main character of course couldnt fall for a guy because that is wrong, right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sarcasm)

(disclaimer i have only watched snippets throughout the series but enough to see a bunch of female characters) also the female characters are SO CONVENIENTLY BLAND BORING AND STEREOTYPED AIOGA[WIEGNWE[WE[WE[WE[GHZXWIAS,J\A[' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

this makes me FUCKING FURIOUS.

this reminds me in my mentoring program the ones doing masters (85percent) confirmed they are mostly fueled by female rage and i totally get them u_u

GOSH I AM SO ANGRY I NEED TO DESTROY SOMETHING AND I HAVENT EVEN WRITTEN ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.3 4.37pm

dear internet :D

yesterday we were at my fam place made wraps i lost a board game (but i had more points than bf heh), watched jujutsukaizen, played the guitar oh and my dad felt sad :0

and dw the only thing i destroyed yesterday were my nearly extinct muscles!

i had a nice weight training session after not doing anything related for a month (I can still feel it, also the leg pain from like last week i must be old ooofff)

today i got only three minutes late to class, made a friend (I think!!!!) and got scammed ^v^!!!!!!!!

for creative writing i started drafting and writing Rapunzil :DDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis

my neighbor turned new friend chose another fairytale and wrote it as a recipe that was funny XD

then we went to the woods cuz our prof wants us to describe stuff as vividly and unconventionally as in the rain horse!

on the way there me and my neighbor talked about the promised neverland and then about pen and paper games and he told me about this project he has been working on for 9 years :0!!!!!

in the break we ate together and talked about food (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑), vegetarianism, sports, games, japan and jobs (he wants to work as a theatre teacher and already does in fact!)

then back to class i was in a group with new friend and guitarguy (guitarguy and new friend always hang out and vibe very well together) it was such a fun dynamic :D

guitarguy was just jumping up and down when we developed dark twisted concepts together (𓁹‿ 𓁹)

and new friend drew stuff and came up with ambigious misleading titles! on top off that he showed us some really crazy lazy glasses with mirrors for better posture!!!!!!!!!!

in the metro i checked my mails and my boss wrote me if i had some time and i was annoyed cuz i was literally on the way home

i wrote her i am already going home but might make it to her office within 45 minutes

then i was asked to buy an apple gift card for like the amount of half of my rent .__ .

i was so weirded out until i noticed the email address was not the unimail

I had to report them (to government, boss and IT team), this made me so tired and annoyed pffffffffff

i SHOUld work now but i am just lying on the couch too exhausted maybe laterrrrrrr

also gotta go to dance class in half an hour

3.3 2.57pm

hielooooooooooooooooooooouuu

just came home from the creative writing course that we had in the city!

we had to take inspiration from our surroundings, that was quite difficult actually

btw, can you guess this:Large animals, in the dark like shooting starts, their roar low and threatening, they feed on humans

while trying to be struck by inspiration i hung out with guitarguy and new friend

and guit asked if we knew mushoku tensei...

anyway lets talk about good things

newf and guit are so gay

very inspiring indeed

i am still a bit awkward in our friendgroup but we also had lots of fun and made stupid jokes

okay now for todays 3 random facts from new friendgroup edition!!!!!!!!!!

1. guit is really obsessed with this one bird that eats bones he knows and recited the whole wikipedia article and beyond at 5 times speed

2. in middle school newf once wrote and performed a theatre play that the teacher found so good that they bought it from him

3. i wrote an overwhelmingly stupid story with twin porcupine gangsters that was so bad it actually was received quite well

that concludes todays 3 random facts edition! dont come back for more!!!!!!!!!

newf added me on whatsapp and invited me to a free theatre workshop on saturday as well! ._______________________________________________________________________ . (exciting)

my work tasks are piling up so i am a bit exhausted rn :,>

i wanna prepare for dance class tonight but gotta force myself to write these mails kssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4.3 1pm

yeeeelllllowwwwwwwwwww

i am waiting for my colleague to reply which will in turn commence my execution

i will have to caaaaaaall some really ooooooooooold bougieeee restauraaaaaaaaaaaant aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

with every day that passes i feel less and less confident in my job lol

these restaurants where you have to pay to get bland and little food really arent for me ahaha

but i shouldnt judge to early :,3

moreover, sitting in a bougie restaunt is still waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than working in one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway i set a time limit for me

gotta be home at 2pm to get the laundry

and finish all my tasks beforehand

but i still have to print and sign some stuff AND

i wanted to go practice in the gym ToT

but i still have this pain in my lower leg

i cant even run properlyyyyyyyy

and i rely a lot on running (to catch the metro)

ai told me its probably an overuse injury and to prevent it from becoming chronic i shouldnt use massage or stretch my leg at all TOT

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

oh yesterday i had training it was so fun!

i came kinda very late but still!!!!!!!!

i was working on my toprocks and someone showed me a cool top rock transition (that they practiced while i was still on the way)!!!!!

i like it very muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch

because of my legicap i was just vibing in toprock for the whole free training hour XD

i already mentioned this but i kinda suck the most out of all dancers in our course XD

BUT I FOUND MY ULTIMATE DANCING HACK I JUST NEED TO PRETEND I AM AN INSTRUMETN

i know that sounds stupid lol

but it actually really helped me

maybe a better way to put it is feeling the touch of the ground and focusing on that

its like touching the strings of the guitar or pressing the key of a piano in a certain rythmic pattern

since i was raised a musician this is like super duper intuitive for me!!!!!!!

so i was just feeling my toprocks harder than i ever did before XDDD

my teacher said it looked very clean and fresh :D

then the last 15 min i prepared a small set including moves on the ground that wouldnt put too much strain on my leg

it huuuuuuuuuuuurt

then like wtf we had a jam but the task was dancing forward through a pipe and our teacher put on pop music i was so caught off guard

my dancing was also very off ahahaa

but afterwards we did the usual jam and i danced my set okayishly !

looking at the time ill probably ask if my bf can get the laundry if hes already home

two days ago after i asked him to clean the frying pan (he used to fry chicken) he was angry thoooooooo

when my bf is angry i can usually handle it but not always

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

its 3.30pm and im still at woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooork

i called a lady she was so niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice :D

i wrote mails but now i have to write so many more mails ToT

and my concentration is not thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee TOT

i think ill go get sth at the cafeteria cut i have been only eating dark chocolate for the whole day

oh but my sweety pie bf said hell get the laundry QvQ

im so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

maybe ill get some takeout for us later :DDDDDDDDDDD

and i hope i can dance a bit after work but probably at this time the gym is already taken by some random course :,3 (5.05pm update you were right)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

they.nominated.me.

ajsefqwioh4gihge

i cant believeeee iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

omgomgomgomg

so i was writing my last mail and then i get a notification and first like oh no another mail to answer-

then i see the first sentence- we are happy to inform you-

I IMMEDIATELY DROP EVERYTHING AND OMG ITS REALLY THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my uni just nominated me to study one year in japaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan TOT

omgomgomogmgasdiognasdg

i am SO MOTIVATED TO KILL THESE EXAMS AND TERM PAPERS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NIAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA

and my japanese will be impecable weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

of course i had to wake up my bf and fam and told them (˵¬ᴗ¬˵)

okay its not like 100percent decided yet cuz the uni in tokyo still has to accept me in fall but omg im so ready to make myself non rejectable XDDDDDDDD

but NOW really gotta write that last mail and then we go eat sushi with bf and friend :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

5.3. 10.16pm

こんばんはあああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ

今から日本語を使って日記を書いてかもおおおおおおおおお：D！！！！

今日楽しかったよ！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

今朝は早く早くお仕事を終わりました！

後はえっと。。。大学試験の準備をすると思ったけど。。。

なんか、昔のタブレットを見つかったから

しょうがないなああああああああああああああああああああああああ

とにかくみってみって！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

自分を作ったキャラです！！！！！！！！！ジャス（ジャスミン）と申します！！！！

ギターも弾きました！！！！

二ヶ月前が習った曲を今回久しぶりもう一回を弾いてみた

とても驚いた、全くこの曲とコードを練習しなかったけどめっちゃめっちゃ簡単だった！！！！！！

その後僕は家族のところへ行きました

バスの中で昔の試験の内容を復習した

それからおばちゃんと兄貴とおばあちゃんと私がみな一緒に髪を切った

私と兄貴同じ金髪にした！！！！！！！！！！！ツインみたいな：D!!!!

to save myself a headache XD - meanwhile (sonoaida) we played alto on my tablet and drew something together :p

check this oooooooooooout :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ジャスと同じ世界からを落ちったやつ　：DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

金髪の後で私たちはサブウェイに食べた

サブウェイ屋さんは優しくなかったけど：（

悲しい

when we got inside they were just moaning and looking at us annoyed :0

when we asked questions they got even more annoyed :,0

when we ordered they gave us wrong stuffs (plural!!!!!!!!!!) :,,,,0

とにかく話題を変えましょう

車の中で歌った :D

幸せ　：D

今明日の準備するはずだ‼ (๑•̀ㅁ•́๑)✧

6.3 8.59pm

こんばんは！

あまり眠なかった

理由はバカな絵を描きましたXD

楽しかったね

その前に俺は本当に勉強したかったよ

8.3 10.28am

あああああああああすいませんでした！！！！！！

忙しかった　：、）

先ずは金曜日（６．３）の話を続けましょう！

その日最後の創作文（そーさくぶん）コースがあった

もうにうふとぎつに会いたいよ

にうふは俺たちが褒め言葉を狙ってる（fishing for compliments）と言った

なぜなら俺たちはよく自分が書いたものが良くないと言うからです

日本人っぽいですよねｗｗ

けど、自分でも色々な満足できるものが書けたと思ってるよ！！！

エレベーターの中で俺たちはバカな曲を使ったｗｗｗ

その後俺は彼氏のお母さんの買い物を手伝いた

彼氏がｋｆｃを注文した：、、、、＞

小さなベジタリアンラップを食べ終えその後他の人が食べるのを見なければならなかった

家に帰ったとき自分で料理をした

翌日（土曜日、昨日）早く起きてにうふと一緒に演劇ワークショップに行った！楽しかった！！！！

ですが、ちょっとした部外者(ぶがいしゃ)でした

けど、もう慣れっこになっています　：D

みて！

左側は他人が俺を描きた絵です！右側は俺が他人を描きた絵です！

ルールはペンを紙に当てたまま目を閉じて描くことだった XD

９．３　１１：２８ｐｍ

こんばんわー！！！

今日、たくさんのことがあったんだ！

はじめに家で9時からメールを書きました！

9時４５になったとき俺わミーティングのために事務所に行くかったけどミーティングがもう10時に始まると気づいた・。・

演劇の準備会議でした！まず俺はなんか心配してた！！なぜならそんなに練習しませんでした

しかし先生とても優しくて、演劇任務（にんむ）とても楽しかったね！！！

おまけに、給料も高いんだよ：D！！！！！！最高！！！！

ああ昨日の話を忘れちゃったよ！！！

昨日俺たちは家族　（母父おばあちゃん）と一緒にレストランでたべた！

演劇ワークショップについて話した！！！

俺も小さなパフォーマンスをしてた！！！XD

i danced a thunder cloud, a storm and frankenstein XDDDDDDD

みな笑っていました！！！！かれしも！！！！

my mom said she probably never in her life laughed so hard about me and she even peed her pants XDDDDD

父が彼氏と俺を車で家に送ってくれて大人知恵(ちえ)を共有（きょうゆう）しまいました　：DDDD

知恵一：自信たっぷりに偽れ（いつわれ）ば人々はあなたを信じてくれる　：０

知恵㈡：溶け込み（とけこみ）列（れつ）から外れなければ褒められる

さらに父の夢委はバンドでコンサートをすることだ！すごい！！！！

じゃ、今日の話を戻りましょう　：D

ついに試験の勉強を始めた！！！

ダンスコースもあったけど、左足はまだ痛いよToT

なぜええええええええええええええええええええええええええええええええ

それでも最近彼氏は超かわいい眼鏡をかけてる！！！！！！！！！！！嬉しいいいいいいいいい

彼氏は今多くの人が彼を見ていると言った　XDDD

11.3 5.16pm

hiiiiiiiiiiello world

tode een inclash

yesterday statistics 2 gave me an identity crisis

then i watched people dying on tv with my bf then everything was okay again :D

anyway today i earned half of my rent again (while pretending to be depressed (no like really) and playing guitar in a meeting) :D

wrote some ppl, also newf invited me to DnD :000000000000000000

i found a cool place where i might do an internship for a week maybe two :D!

procrastinating on statistics aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

also the pressure is extra high cuz the scholarship application opens soon

man idk if its even worth trying tho i do have lots of credentials i dont study fast and my grades are just good

yeah lets just trust the people there to decide who most deserves and is in most need of the money gssssSssssssSsssssssssssssSsssssss

i just absolutely hate the self marketing aspect man

also like wow im almost done studying thats kinda annoying cuz gotta look for fitting stuff again

anyway im huuuuuuuuuuuuuuungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy onakagasuitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

byeyb

12.3 8.32pm

こんばんはｑｖｑ

最近been feeling lots of pressure

i wonder if the acting mentally ill people is making it a bit harder for me to deal with challenging situations :,> (idk maybe not?)

anyways, today i had to restructure my whole studies and come to terms with the fact that i will be a financial burden to my family for a bit longer than assumed :")

concretly speaking the curse but better say blessing will be 1 more year (2 semester) than forseen

lets try being positive. i really love studying and i am going to enjoy it the most i can (also i NEED more breaking and dance classes its my life i am already on withdrawal since this week it was cancelled-)

i dont want to rush things just to burn myself out and be disappointed. i dont want to put the pressure on myself to write good grades just because of scholarships

you know what FUCK these scholarships!!!!!!! IF THEY ARE LUCKY THEY CAN SAY IN THE FUTURE THEY SPONSORED ME HMPF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and if i dont get money through scholarships i will work even more and collect crazy experiences >:D

i will take small steps at a time TwT

still i feel like i am constantly just sprinting in a marthon

i am glad i didnt get into an ivy league tbh XD (i dont even dare to think about the political implications.__.)

tho brown would have been my dream nglllllll

but i am more than happy at my uni!!!!!!!!! we have the best courses ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i just really hate exams and grades and want more freedom!!!!!!!)

i wanna play more guitar and immerse in japanese and finish my creative writing assignment and continue my fanfic and dance TOT

but i have to put this off for like two weeks .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·.

i dont like this phase because i think it gets out a side of me that i am scared of

the side that just does things soullessly how they are supposed to be and expected of me just to get admiration for something that isnt even myself

but i feel the pressure and all things going on are really paralyzes me its so annoying

i HATE MONEY AND SCHOLARSHIPS AND GRADES AND DEADLINES

oh also working everyday doesnt make it easier to continue studying :(

maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan i know i am in such a priviledged situation right now but i have so much on my plate i hate it

looking forward to the times when i will be having a simple part time job and doing lots of fun projects :D (or having a cool fulltime job that is my project!!!)

luckily the prof i really like is chill with the term paper deadline so i can focus on statistics rn

after working today and having a crisis about all the graded exams research projects and papers ahead of me then i studied a bit and fell asleep

my bf is the absolute sweetest, he played a bit of uno no mercy with me and made his friend buy veggie sausages for me ToT (they actually tasted fine)

i am so gratefulllllllllllllllllllllllll TOT

i also said fuck off to the research project that i was actually really excited about but the prof was very weird about it and it ran off to next fall yes.

NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM GONNA CRUSH STATISTICSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AEGIPAWENGPWUAN[GH[HNVRU[QWXA2390

16.03 1.27am

こんばんは！

久しぶりですね！

試験が近付いてるから2日おきだけ日記を書くばいいと思った

3日間になりましたｑｖｑ

彼氏と俺がよく喧嘩をしたけど謝った(ˊ̥̥̥̥̥ ³ ˋ̥̥̥̥̥)

じゃあ早速過去3日間に入りましょう :D

金曜日：

たくさん働いていた（いつも通りのメール：、３）、買い物をした、彼氏と一緒にGOTを見た

土曜日：

大学に行った、勉強した、彼氏と一緒にたくさんGOTを見た、にちゃんと電話をした（彼悲しい：、（）

日曜日：

家族に行った！！：D

けどそこへ行く途中後ろの人たちは彼氏と僕向かって「faggots！」と叫んだ(¬_¬")

後で俺たちがめちゃめちゃ腹が立ったよ＞：０００００００００００００００００！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

それから家族と楽しい時間を過ごせてよかった

彼氏と私が「chili con curry」発明した：D！！！！

今俺が一生懸命勉強しています！！！

ついにリラックス勉強段階に到達(とうたつ)した　：D

じゃんーhope to get back to this soon ಥ‿ಥ